7 ways you are destroying your own happiness and success

If your mind is full of negative self-talk, you won’t find the motivation to take action

Zeta Yarwood
Zeta Yarwood - Special to Al Arabiya English
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Most people go through life believing it is our circumstances that determine how happy and successful we are. However, according to Anthony Robbins, success is 80% psychological and 20% mechanics. Meaning if you don’t have the life you want, your thought processes are standing in your way. Not your circumstances. Your thoughts.

If your mind is full of negative self-talk, you won’t find the motivation to take action. And if you don’t take action, and do something different in your life, nothing will ever change.

Here are the top 7 thoughts destroying your happiness and success:

1) I’m not ‘……’ enough

Good enough. Intelligent enough. Rich enough. Attractive enough. Young enough. Funny enough. Confident enough.

There are always going to be people we’re not good enough for. And there will always be people who aren’t good enough for us, right? The point being – you might not be the best. But you don’t need to be. Was Richard Branson the world’s leading expert in aviation? No. He knew nothing about aviation! But with a belief of ‘I am enough’ he took action. He played to his strengths and surrounded himself with the right experts to take care of everything else.

Identify and develop your key strengths. And surround yourself with a good quality network and support system for a happy and successful life.

2) “What will other people think?”

Of course we want to be respectful of others. But trying to be someone you’re not or living a life not true to you, just to please others, is slow suicide. 87% of people are living a career lie just because they’re worried about what other people will think.

If you do not express who you truly are, you will eventually feel like you’re dying inside. Be proud of who you are. Embrace your good bits and laugh at your bad bits. Be OK with the fact you will never have everyone’s approval. It’s more important you approve of yourself and live a life true to you.

3) “It’s better to settle than to not have anything at all”

So many people settle for a mediocre job. A mediocre relationship. A mediocre life. All because they think, “This is as good as it gets and it’s unrealistic for me to think I can do better.” Whether you believe this because you’re naturally a glass-half-empty person, or because you don’t think you deserve any better – stop it. Right now.

There is always something better – you just have to be brave, step up and look for it. Any change is good. Maybe look for a new hobby – something where you can meet knew people. Or something that could turn into a new career. Think the 3Ps – positivity, patience and persistence. Adopt these three traits and you’ll find whatever you’re looking for.

4) "It’s just too hard"

Of course creating change is going to take some effort. But I can tell you this – the pain of staying stuck is a thousand times more painful than taking any step to improve your life. Life is not always going to be a bed of roses. And sometimes we have to do things we perceive as painful or difficult. But if you can adopt a mindset of focusing on the long-term gain, instead of the short-term pain, success will be yours for the taking.

5) I won’t be happy until I get the outcome I want

When you base your self-worth on the outcomes in your life – you're opening yourself up to a life of disappointment and pain. You can train as hard as you can but that doesn’t guarantee you’ll win the race.

But if you base your self-worth on your actions – the only thing you do have control over - you can’t fail. Measure your success not by the outcomes you achieve but by the actions you take – and you’ll be successful for the rest of your life.

6) I’m a weak / terrible person

Constantly blaming yourself and beating yourself up is a really bad way of motivating yourself to be better.

Without self-compassion and understanding, you will never be happy and achieve your outcomes. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Chances are you were behaving out of fear anyway. Doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. Learn what you can from the experience (to be stronger, have more self-respect, be kinder etc.) and do your best to apply it in the future.

7) "They are so much better than me"

The quickest root to unhappiness is comparing yourself to others. There are always going to be people better than you at something. But that doesn’t mean they have any more value than you. My belief is this – we were all put on this earth because we each have something different to offer. Figure out what that is for you and focus on that. Forget everyone else. Let them get on with their own lives. They’re on a different journey. Not better. Not worse. Just different. They have their own stuff to go through. Their own lessons to learn. Focus on you and what you want. Because when you get to 90 and look back on your life – you’ll be really glad you did.

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