Over the past few weeks, since the ouster of former Egyptian president Mohammed Mursi, there has been something of a sea change in the identification of political actors and public figures.
To begin with, the binary choice in public discourse was clear: pro-Mursi and anti-Mursi. Now, it seems that there is a growing third option in the public arena: pro-Mursi, anti-Mursi and secretly pro-Muslim Brotherhood. Their cover story is something we never quite imagined: liberalism.
This “top secret" Muslim Brotherhood is an interesting outfit.
Contrary to popular belief, this top-secret MB does not include the “General Guide” Mohammed Badie, “Deputy General Guide” Khairat al-Shater, Essam el-Erian, Sa’ad el-Katatny and Mohammed el-Beltagy.
That is the “public” Muslim Brotherhood. Due to research completed by the most distinguished journalists in the Egyptian media, it appears that there is a separate, previously unheard of group.
One of the members of this ultra-secret group is none other than the famous Google executive that was part of the uprising in 2011 that led to the resignation of then president Hosni Mubarak.
We all thought that Wael Ghoneim was opposed to the Muslim Brotherhood. He was harshly critical of the group, particularly over the past year and called for the resignation of former president Mohammed Mursi or early presidential elections.
Alas, we were wrong: he appears to be a closet Brotherhood member. Proof of this is yet to come, I cannot predict in what form, but come, eventually, it will.
Ghoneim is only the first member to be discovered. There is another, who has been exceedingly clever in his attempt to remain under the radar.
Be forewarned: they are currently plotting to kill all of the protesters, armed and non-armed alike, criminals and innocent alike that call for the return of Mohammed Mursi.H.A. Hellyer
Amr Hamzawy, the founder of the ‘Free Egypt’ party, and prominent member of the National Salvation Front, is another one of these conniving individuals.
Despite being one of the most critical politicians of the Brotherhood in the last three years, he has finally shown his true colours.
His cover was blown when he insisted that the complete exclusion of the Brotherhood from Egyptian politics was unjustifiable.
His audacity in promoting this idea, which ostensibly is in line with a rational, liberal, and legal approach, only proves his deftness in abusing liberalism to justify the continued existence of the Muslim Brotherhood.
That, in itself, shows how truly loyal he is to the top-secret core of the Muslim Brotherhood.
More members have emerged from the woodwork. It pains me to say this but Bassem Youssef, the noted political satirist who is highly popular in Egypt, is also a member of the secret-secret Muslim Brotherhood.
He had us all fooled for a while, but patriotic Egyptians have finally realised that this man, who spent the past 6 months harshly attacking the stances of Mursi and the Brotherhood, is undeniably a senior member of the "clandestine" Brotherhood cell.
No one could be left in any doubt, after he called for an independent investigation into the killings of unarmed pro-Mursi protesters at the Republican Guard sit-in.
He confirmed his secret identity when he attacked the ‘fascism’ of some anti-MB figures, which he carelessly said were in danger of losing their humanity with their discourse.
In fact, not only is he a member of this surreptitious cell, but a highly significant one at that.
The 'big reveal'
Alas, my friends, we have one more person that has now been outed. He is the most insidious of all, for he has managed to fool everyone – even every member of the pro-Mursi sit-ins, for even they have not been allowed to know of his true cause.
In calling for national reconciliation, continuing to call for the re-integration of a peaceful Brotherhood in Egyptian politics, and stressing the need for a peaceful resolution to Egypt’s political crisis, the situation has become clear.
Ladies and gentlemen: Vice President Mohammed el-Baradei is not only a member of this cell. He is, in reality, the true General Guide of the “secret-secret" Muslim Brotherhood.
Patriotic Egyptians must act fast – because the "third hand" (taref el-talet) that was responsible for the deaths of Azhar, Shaykh Emad Effat, and the fallen of Maspero, is none other than this stealthy Brotherhood grouping.
They are also the ones that kill Muslim Brotherhood members, in an effort to blame the deaths of unarmed protesters on the security forces.
Be forewarned: they are currently plotting to kill all of the protesters, armed and non-armed alike, criminals and innocent alike that call for the return of Mohammed Mursi.
The author can confirm, however, that the naysayers were wrong about at least one of their opponents.
Mistakenly, they inferred that the author of these lines is a member of the “secret-secret Muslim Brotherhood,” owing to his defence and promotion of civil rights personalities such as Hossam Bahgat, Heba Morayef and Nadine Sherif.
They incorrectly surmised that his encouragement of truly independent and principled media such as Mada Masr is indicative of his secret identity, as is his insistence that Mursi was a deeply and incredibly unpopular president.
In truth, they got it wrong. He would have been, it is true – but as the Muslim Brotherhood refused to allow him to be the International General Guide Mentor, above and beyond Mohammed el-Baradei, he rebuffed their advances.
He now considers himself to be an “ex-not-ex-member” of the “secret-secret" Muslim Brotherhood, and views this group to be a grave and deep threat to Egypt’s security.
This is why Brotherhood supporters try to smear him as a fond apologist of the abuses and excesses of the security forces.
Be forewarned, friends. Do not be fooled. All of these voices are not supporters of a genuinely pluralistic and progressive Egypt – they are its worst enemies.
With one exception, the author – as a Brit, is in fact an undercover imperialist spy.
(P.S. – The above article, according to some reports, was sarcasm. If you do not believe it was, the author would like to sell the Pyramids to you – at a discount, seeing as it is Ramadan.)
Dr. H.A. Hellyer, non-resident fellow at the Brookings Institution and the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding, is a Cairo-based specialist on Arab affairs who previously held senior posts at Gallup and Warwick University. Follow him on Twitter at @hahellyer
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